10.25.2010

What happened?

I have been sooo busy lately!  I stay busy but this time of year is always super crazy with shows and orders and the like ... sheesh!  School starts and its all smooth and then mid September hits and the next thing I know its Christmas.  It is a complete blur! 

Babycakes wakes up Saturday morning all upset!  Our house doesn't look like Halloween ... it doesn't feel like fall and how will we ever celebrate when we are lacking decorations and the blow up yard stuff all the neighbors have???  After reassuring her that we would never have anything blow up in our yard I started thinking.  What has happened to me ... I used to be so on top of things.  Now I am the last minute ... pull it together mom who is constantly stressed out and doesn't enjoy the decorating.  Who am I???

When I first quit work in 1996 and had our first child I was supermom.  I loved being home ... I cooked every night, made home made bark for each holiday, made my own valentines and decorated the house to the nth degree.  Every night I washed the days laundry and had it put away before bed and just before heading off to bed I vacummed my way into our room.  Ok ... so I was a freak with the house but it was spotless, my kid was spoiled with my time and we were living in a cottage trimmed with love.  I was stress free and full of joy!

In August 2001 I had baby #2 and we made the transition smoothly.  Now ... don't get me wrong.  My husband worked day and night and most weekends and that sucked ... but for the most part life was easy and I was happy. 

Two boys ... smiling ... cute and tons of fun!

July 2001 my life changed.  I took my baby to the doctor for a regular visit and everything changed.  They spoke of genetic testing, developmental delays, therapy and our lives changing.  And over the past nine years they did ... in so many ways. Some good, some hard and some unbearable.  Statistics say that 85% of couples with a special ed child break up.  We have stayed together.  Its a daily decision and one I chose.  Its taken its toll ... but we are aware of it and working to make it easier on us.

I got caught up in laundry, doctor visits, grocery store, swimming, baseball, school, anxiety, family, play dates ... oh crap did I make the Bert and Ernie pumpkins ... shoot I forgot to make bark for Valentines day and I hope the teachers from last year don't rat me out ... vacations, more laundry, snacks and life.  Therapy ending at 5pm ended the home cooked meals and I started to feel like I was living out of my car.     

Baby #3 came along and I started a business.  And now it is 2010 and I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off stressing out about getting it all done.  The last thing on my mind is decorating for Halloween.

Sheesh ... WTH? 

Well ... I have taken a lesson from my children and possibly a professional and I have made some changes.   I am pairing down and taking control of my schedule any chance I can.  Life doesn't get any easier or simplier but I can chose to make it as simple as possible.  I still have to drive two carpools and take the kids to swimming three to five days a week but there's a lot I don't have to do.  And for those items I am getting out the sharpie and crossing things off.

Sunday after the Pumpkin Patch I decorated the house for Halloween.  I made bark for all the teachers and wrapped them in cello and tied them with ribbon.  I set the table with pumpkin plates, polka dot napkins and black wicker chargers.  And went to bed at 1 am with a smile.

And when Babycakes came down for breakfast this morning she looked at the kitchen and the table and then looked at me.  She smiled.  And she said sweetly ... "Good job Mom!"

MPM

5 comments:

  1. I feel like this every.day. You have great strenghth. I read often, and comment not enough. I have learned to say "no" to things. Alot. Just so I can, like you, set out polka dot napkins sometimes and have a sweet little face smile because of it. Merry Christmas... b/c if you're like me, its already on the mind. monogram love, HMP

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  2. you are a supermom!!!
    your kids love you no matter what & that's what counts!!!

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  3. Good JOB!! I have done the same thing.. felt like my life was spinning out of control, didn't want my girls to think of me as the evil witch I was becoming..from stress/job, I quit my job/lucrative as a mortgage originator and started my own catering business. Baby steps, mostly tailgates, wine and cheese drop ins etc.. But I now pick my girls up,have laundry folded and cook each night, they NOTICE.. I too, decorated this year on OCT1st, a true miracle, usually Oct 28th!! Take it easy on yourself.. and as far as your son goes.. GOD only chooses special people for special children!!

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  4. How awesome that you made her day! I'm glad you have chosen to fight for your marriage. I work in a peds hospital and I see how hard it can be to stay together when your life is turned upside down whether it is by illness or a special needs child. You are right, there are tons of people who can't hack it, and I get it, it's just soooo sad to see. Enjoy your weekend!!

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  5. It's the little things in life that make me the happiest. When ever the college age son comes home and wraps his arms around me and hugs so tightly it the BEST feeling in the world!
    Thanks for sharing babycakes special moment with us!!

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