2.28.2011

Stepping out of the boat

Last year was a trying one for me.  It was a very long year with lots of roller coasters ... a breakdown break thru of sorts and all in all a very traumatic and stressful year.  I have a very complicated family of origin and those hurts have spilled over into my adult life.  It was time to take action and fix what I could.  I have worked extremely hard but of course there is much to do. It wasn't until the last two months of the year that I felt completely different and in the best place I have ever been.  I have learned more about myself than I have in the previous 40 years.  I am very happy to be in the place I am. 

At the beginning of the this year I wished and prayed for a calm and peaceful year. No drama, no stress ... just an easy year.  I wanted be able to enjoy the ground I have achieved.  I have a lot more of my life to sift thru and heal from ... but I just wanted to be able to enjoy some of the ground I have achieved.  I wanted to look back at the end of the year and say ... "wow that was an easy year".

Or so I thought.

Yesterday at church the sermon was about defining our relationship with God.  Where are we?  What does that relationship look like? He pointed out that God does not want our lives to be stagnant and still but ever changing and full of growth.  If we are not challenged we will not grow.  Obstacles are placed in front of us for to master and change.  In Matthew 14 Jesus comes to his disciples walking on the water while they are riding in a boat.  Only one of the disciples, Peter, asks something of Jesus.  He asks Jesus to further strengthen their relationship and ask him to step out of the boat.  When Peter steps from his safe place he learns to keep his eyes on God and trust in him as he walks across the water to Jesus.  He asked for change and in doing so he grew both personally and spiritually.

As I look back to last year I realize how grateful I am for the heartache it was.  I would never have walked thru the fire to the other side if the fire hadn't been there.  I would not be in the place I am now without the trials and heartaches of the year.  And as I sit here typing I can say to you that I am thankful for 2010.  It made me a much better person.

Now I am not asking for another year of turmoil.  Please do not misunderstand me.  But I am saying that I do want more growth.  So whatever comes my way I will handle as an opportunity to grow and to further my relationship with God and myself. 

Here's hoping 2011 is an amazing year!
xo
MPM
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