Lawyer and I attended a marriage seminar last night at Buckhead church. He signed us up and we made it a date night. I got a shower, made myself cute and met him at a Mexican restaurant by the church.
The speaker for the evening was Mark Gungor. If you have not heard of him ... Google him. He uses comedy and laughter to make some very simple but yet very strong points about successful marriages.
The first thing he said was that if you ask a woman how she would like her husband to be different she will describe a woman. She wants him to be more caring, complimentary and do the things she likes to do. For the most part she just described her best friend. We as women need to embrace the differences between us and the men we married. They will never be more like a girl and we wouldn't like them much if they were!
The first session was about the brain. The male brain vs. the female brain. A mans brain is made up of boxes. He has a box for every single thing he needs to worry about. He only opens and thinks about one box at a time and when he is done he slides that box back into place without touching any other box he has. He also has a nothing box. He literally can sit and think about absolutely nothing. When we see our husbands sitting and staring off into space and we lovingly sit next to them and ask them what they are thinking and they reply "nothing". They aren't keeping their innermost thoughts to themselves. They are telling the truth. They are thinking about nothing!
A woman's brain is a superhighway. It is made up of wires and each one connects to one or more wires. We can think and talk about a number of things at once. Notsomuch for a man. He thinks and talks about one thing at a time and can not process us jumping all over the place. If we want to communicate something to a man we must sit and have him looking at us when we talk about one subject and one subject only.
Vision. Men are binocular and women are wide angled lenses. A man can stare directly at something and not see it. A woman can see what he is looking at, what all three kids are doing and still know what the next door neighbor is wearing at the mailbox. This doesn't make him dense ... it makes him different.
Stress. Men process stress by pulling out their nothing box and clearing their minds. They can watch TV, read or surf their iPhone for days to relieve stress. They do not relieve stress by talking. A woman can only relieve stress by talking it out. When a man sees his woman stressed he suggests she do nothing to relax. She needs to talk it out. He loves her and is offering her his best recommendation to relax and regroup. She wants to talk and gets offended. A woman has two choices. She can call her bestie and talk it out or she can remind him that to relieve her stress she needs to talk about it and he needs to sit there and listen without trying to fix it.
Sex. This session went on for an hour. So freaking funny and so dead on point. I could go on for post after post on this one but the one thing he said that sank in for me was this. A woman needs to feel chosen every single day. It is just like the middle school dance. We stand against the wall waiting for the boy we think is cute to chose us. When he does we are over the moon. Marriage is not any different. A man needs to express to his wife that he still chooses her many months and years later. If the choice was given to him today he would still walk up and ask you and only you to dance. We want to be special ... we want to be chosen.
Last night as we were getting into our separate cars to come home Lawyer looked at me and kissed me and whispered ... "I choose you".
Hours later I am still over the moon!