6.15.2015

Inspiration du jour ... #tackletheugly



I am a master of to do lists.  I make them all the time.  I use them to relax, to clear my mind and to organize my day.  If I don't cross all the items off my list I carry it to the next day.  And most of all, I absolutely scratching things out in black sharpie. 

There are some things that remain on the list.  I write them down because they need to be managed, yet don't do them because they aren't necessary for that day (or I hate them if I am being completely honest) but they still need my attention.  Those roll over items add up over time and create all kinds of mess and chaos for me.  

This past week and a half I was once again struggling with a number of cluster migraines.  The medicine combination I had been taking stopped working and I couldn't get in front of the pain.  And then you add in nausea and vomiting and I had to admit I was not doing well.  A trip to the doctor on Tuesday earned me a shot in the hip, two more medicines and a question I needed to answer for myself.  

What is it in my life that adds stress than I can remove?  Although my headaches are not completely stress related, stress, exhaustion and dehydration are a bad combination for me.  And as soon as I become stressed the running around increases which leads to exhaustion and I forget to drink anything that isn't caffeine related.

Please tell me I am not alone in this. 

Ugh!  I had to do some real thinking which wasn't the easiest with a massive dose of steroids running thru me but when I came to a conclusion I truly had to be honest with myself.

1.  I do too many things, most of which I have no business doing at all.
2.  My ongoing to do list which really stands for things I haven't handled ways on me greatly.
3.  I don't eat well and I don't eat enough.  Some days one or two meals is a full day.  #wrong
4.  The husband travel schedule will not change, I can't remove this area of stress but I need to figure out how to manage it better.

It is time to do so real thinking.  What can I stop doing?  What can I let go of emotionally? What can I permanently remove from the master to do list?

I spent most of Saturday and Sunday tackling things on my list.  Things that actually needed my attention and hadn't had it in longer than I would like to admit. And I feel really good about the things I completed this morning.  There were some items I just had to remove because I shouldn't be doing them (dining room tweak) or I don't have the time (finish Little Bit's photo album) or the money (deck upgrade).   The rest just needed my full attention and a lot of my time.  

I haven't finished it ... but I made a huge dent in it and I managed to keep myself from adding anything else to it, so that is a MAJOR win.   

I am scheduled to see a neurologist this Thursday so I hope to have a plan in place before the next go round of cluster migraines.  And I do have some real answers for myself, which means I have work to do.  I have absolutely no problem admitting anything I am doing wrong.  You call me out ... I will dissect it and work to improve it.  I am a smart girl ... but I seem to make the same destructive decisions time and time again.  I need to set boundaries for myself (yes, I have read the book) and stick to them. 

The good news is this.  When you are down on your knees, the only place to look is up.


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