I realized I last published a blog post over a week ago and figured it was time to address the elephant in the room. I think managing it is more for me than for you, so this post may be a bit more of a stream-of-consciousness post than something we are both used to. I seem to get writer's block when I am processing things, and I realized this weekend I am processing so much right now, and it was time to start talking about it, even if it was just out loud to myself.
Yes, that is vague, but it will make more sense in a few.
Life lately. It has been good, really good, but also complex. We are coming up on two years post-cancer, and I am still shocked some days that all that happened really happened. We discovered his cancer on a fluke, praise God; the journey was not what we had planned for or what the doctors saw coming. It was hard, and post-cancer is so precious but also bittersweet. As I walk through each day, I am overwhelmed and blessed and often brought to tears just thinking about the miracles we received. I am not worthy, will never be excellent, and will never stop shouting from the rooftops; God gave us a gift. Post-cancer is a precious time, but also bittersweet because it is time to unpack it all, lay it out before you, and decide what to think and feel. It is an excellent place to be, but it can be overwhelming, so we take it one day at a time, talk about the joy, and feel hard when it comes. All in all, we are perfect and sometimes really fantastic.
My husband has begun to travel again, which he has not done since 2015. It is an adjustment for both of us, and I miss him desperately while he is gone. He is working on a project in Ontario, California, and loves it there. But he isn't here, which is hard every day. The most challenging part for me is knowing how fleeting life is and wanting him here daily. He is happy, loves to work, and is very thankful he is healthy and strong and can travel the way he has been. He is currently on a 2-week trip, and it stinks. I am adjusting to the crazy travel once again, and when he is home, I just want to soak up every second. This project will likely run through July, so ... it is an adjustment.
My girl. Wow, we are more than halfway through her senior year. She is playing lacrosse and enjoying the team and her girlfriends. We are done with the college acceptance (and denial) letters. I swear it is harder today to get into college than I remember. She applied to 7 schools, was denied two, and has decided. When she shares, I will; she is excited and nervous, as she should be. I am adjusting. We have one child out of the house, but living only 15 minutes away, so having a child more than that will be hard. She is our last, and I will miss her every day. This is the one I may be struggling with the most; I know our times together, where she is entirely dependent on us, are ending. I have been a full-time mother for 26 1/2 years and have never loved anything more. I will always be their mother, but the role is changing. I do not love this one, but I am excited for her. It is a balance, and I am still getting there.
Our house. We love the changes. I am so thankful it is over, and we still have some mess here and there. More here than there, but you know what I mean. I am slowly diving into these messes and cleaning them up. It combines donation, purging, putting things back where they belong, and cleaning,. So far I have tackled our basement den and the porch. It feels fantastic when it is done, but lordy, is it a project. Left on my list I have the basement storage area and the garage. I work on the garage a little every single day and it looks so much better!! This is my Lent project and I am so thankful I have committed to it.
The boys. They are great. They are both working hard, moving up, and thriving. One is saving for a new car and the other is working on moving to the next level. There is something about a mom + son relationship, they are the sweetest.
As I write these words I feel like I just had a power therapy session. I have shared a lot of feelings which makes my heart and head a bit lighter. I am doing my best to write every morning, which I love to do, but some days it has been harder than others. As I get used to Nathan's new schedule it will be better. It will just take some time. Writing has always been therapy for me. I love the ritual of grabbing my coffee and sitting at my computer and tackling my topic. It has carried me through some really hard times, and I am thankful for it and you every single day.
💗
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