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So, Why The Break?

Why did I take three months off? What happened? Oh, so many things, but I will try to write them out. Maybe you have been there, too. Perhaps it will help me sort some of it out. We shall see. 

Starting in November, my husband started a cycle of medical issues.  First, we prepped, well he did, for a colonoscopy, and the day of, we ended up in the ER with a high fever and terrible abdominal pain.  He had diverticulitis.  Then, as he was getting better, he got RSV and could take nothing since he was on Cipro for the first issue. He missed Thanksgiving with all of his family and my heart hurt.  Two weeks of RSV and he had a work trip, a week to LA.  He came home on December 1, got out of the Uber, and picked up his suitcase, and he hurt his back really bad.  He barely made it up the stairs, and looking back, I should have taken him to the ER then. 

From December 1 to January 1, he saw several doctors who gave him meds and continued to tell him it was a sciatica issue and to relax and take the medication.  And he only got worse.  On January 1 I took him to the ER and demanded he have a full workup.  I was sure it was a whole lot more, and I worried he had cancer somewhere.  After a CT and an MRI, the doctor told us he had a bad herniated L5/S1 and needed surgery.  From then until surgery on 2/7 we just existed. His pain level was intense and he slept upright in a chair most of every day.  Terrible is an understatement, and this shell of him I took care of really took a toll on me.  I was struggling so much and just trying to trust God and get through it.  Our surgical team was terrific, but the surgeon told me he was in bad shape in more than one way.  We had a long talk when he finished the surgery and he gave it to me straight.  His diabetes was out of control from so many meds, his back was weak, and we would have to wait and see. 

Somewhere after the first ER visit, I think I shut down.  It became survival mode for me, and I had nothing left to give.  I tried to post, but I had nothing to say every time I opened my computer. I have blogged through mental illness, cancer diagnosis, and chemo, and this time, I just couldn't.  Our family therapist told us when our son first got sick to keep writing.  I needed to feed myself mentally before I could take care of him.  This time I was done.  Sometimes, I wondered if I would be done for good, but as the spring always comes, I have once again walked a hard path and entered stronger and better, I hope. Two months post-surgery, he is doing well.  His A1C and blood sugar have regulated and improved significantly, and he is getting stronger with PT each visit.  The smile on the surgeon's face last week made me feel so much better.  He is encouraged.  We go back in four months. 

What have I learned? Oh, wow. Where do I begin? Life hasn't been easy, but it wasn't promised to be. Once again, I entirely lay it all down at Jesus' feet. I have learned I have to put my oxygen mask on first, something I struggle to think about when someone I love is struggling. I am making all my doctor appointments to ensure I am doing all I can to take care of my own health. I have also learned that the kids are older now and can be of so much support when things are hard. I have been reminded to celebrate every single win, even if they are so small. All the good is so welcoming when the hard is hard. 

So, here we are in the last quarter of the first quarter, and I am working on so much. I have a few collaborations you will love and some fun travel coming, as I shared yesterday. This year will be a great one; I still claim it for myself and my family. If nothing else, Nathan is stronger and healthier than he was before the injury, so we celebrate that for sure!!

Our internist kept asking me when I started the book, and he was convinced I would write a book.  I am not sure about it, but I have been thinking recently. In January, I was getting out of an Uber at the airport, and my driver hugged me, a precious man, and said you need to write that book.  

Umm, excuse me? 

So that is where we are; we shall see. 

Thank you for being here, reading, and always supporting me and all of us.  You are a gift!

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