I have had a lot on my mind lately, honestly for the past eight months. As I get older (shhh) my perspective continues to grow and and develop and the way I think and react to things has drastically changed, as it should. I have been a wife now for almost 22 years, a mother for 20 and I am finally almost completely comfortable in my own skin after 40+ years. As I begin my 47th year I have devoted this year to making major changes in my life. Major changes, as in somethings will be drastically different. There are some things that need to and will change. Some things need to go, some things need to come and others need to be edited quite a bit. Basically its a big shake down over here and the house and my life will need to brace for it.
In May of last year I was "given" something that quite frankly should change my life. Not so much for the bad and if I do it right, for the good. I was rushing along at the speed of light as I like to do and a health issue stopped me in my tracks in the middle of a trip and transforming our den. It was hard to finish both and for months I struggled. Struggled with fear, sorting out what mattered and what was silly and honestly trying to make sense of my life with my new knowledge. As I look back I realize how God was not whispering as he sometimes does, but this time he was loud and insistent and I vowed immediately to listen to every single word.
Fast forward to the next room challenge and three days before finishing I laid down on the floor one evening out of sheer exhaustion and in that moment happened across a large lump in my left breast. Large and all of a sudden and I was panicked. Panicked so much I got up and threw up and immediately my husband and I started planning for action. A week later in the office of a breast specialist I learned the mass was a large cluster of fluid filled cysts that, although were annoying, were harmless and I was given a clean bill to leave. Relieved as I was I could not shake the feeling there was more going on, more that I could no longer just shake off. I am young (yes, young) and as a mother, wife and best friend I could not walk along as I had been for so long. Time had to stop and things had to change.
Fast forward a month later and my husband was in a bad accident. He kissed me goodbye, left the house and thirty minutes later was on the side of the road with a concussion and a totaled car. It was bad, but it could have been so much worse. For three days I just sat and stared at him and prayed. I was a mess.
I, as many do, serve the God of worry and fear. I also serve the God of stress and definitely serve the God of do too much in a short time with little or nothing left for myself. Yep, that pretty much sums it up. My to do lists are too long, they are quite often stupid and I sign up for everything that walks by that sounds fun. I have full closets, full drawers and life has too going on in it. It is time to pare down and clean out the house and my life. I have relationships I shouldn't have, I have others I worry too much about and I have others I need to spend more time in.
Yep, laying it all out there. I can't ignore it if I type it for the world to see.
I intend to be quite open about all the changes I am making. I plan on dropping some l-b-s, taking up yoga, maybe signing up for a walk or three, cleaning out major in this house of ours, cleaning out the schedule and the s*#@ and buffing that car for a new year. All along the way drinking some champs and celebrating all I can since this life is very short and we are promised nothing. I also plan to make a list of things I want to do and want to try.
Yep, things are changing. Buckle up, its going to be quite a ride.
And ... at the end of this year I will revisit, maybe share more and will definitely look back and be proud of where I am then. I plan to have no regrets, no matter what life brings.
#deepbreaths with a smile!