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What Is On My Heart

It is Wednesday and half of this week is already beginning.  It has been a week, actually two and I have honestly been on the edge of what felt like crumbling for a bit.  It seems like I can't catch my breath but I will not let it beat me.  Instead of giving into stress I am tackling a list of things that are bugging me about our house.  I am focused on playing my cards and not folding and I will figure it out.  I had planned a different post today and I put it back into draft so that I could share what is on my heart.  I know it seems a little much for a Wednesday (is there ever a good day??), but here we go.

I, just like every American, can remember where I was the morning of 9/11/01.  I had just dropped my four year old at preschool and was taking my 6 month home for a quiet morning home and a nap.  As I got back into my car the news was all abuzz.  I was instantly frightened.  My husband was on a plane to DC.  It was his first week back at work after taking a few weeks off to recover from viral meningitis.  My dad called me immediately and asked about him, where was he, where was he going and had I heard from him.  As luck would have it he was headed to Quantico and it would be hours before I would get a call from someone there to let me know he was safe as they were in lock down.  His direction to me, stay at home and go get our son from school. I remember rushing back to school to get my boy and asking a neighbor to stay with my sleeping baby.  It was almost surreal and yet it was completely and utter real.  It was a day, and a month, a year none of us will ever forget.

My story ended perfectly but so many others did not.  One of Lawyer's cousins lost her fiance.  So, so many others lost loved ones and so many businesses lost so many.  Even this day 17 years later it brings me to tears and leaves me somber.  It was AWFUL and every single one of would agree our lives would never be the same.

As I was online yesterday I noticed one thing that really struck me.  A quote posted somewhere about how no one wanted to experience 9/11 again, but many would love 9/12.  Every single American stood together.  We were united, we stood next to foe and neighbor and just loved one another.  Flags were sold out as every single person wanted to fly one.  It was a great moment after such destruction.

It really got me thinking.

This is the way we are called to live.  Not to think about what our neighbors are doing.  Not to wonder about what is going on in that house, with those people, or those. Not to be sad that my neighbors dog makes me crazy while they are at work, but to wave at them when they come home and ask about their day. Not to care what they believe, or how they vote, or what they do with their private time.  Just to smile, love and help where we can.  As I sat in the chemo infusion room last Friday this is the feeling I got.  I was overcome with the desire to walk to each chair and just hug those sitting there with their families.  We were just there for fluids as he takes his chemo at home everyday, but so many would sit there for hours getting medicines that will hopefully give them the miracle they are hoping for.  I almost could not hold back from wanting to love on every single person there.  I wanted to help someone so bad I almost couldn't process it, but the only person I was called to help at that time was me and my sweet husband as he took a few hours and slept. It is a very quiet room where all are just sitting and trying to take it all in.  It is not a scene I will forget any time soon.

I do my best to be joyful in all times, to smile at every one I meet and to offer help every single time I can.  I am not sure that is enough.  I think I can do more, no ... I know I can.  We all can. How and why I am not sure yet, but I know I intend to. Yes, my live is crazy and I have a full plate, but I can still give more and I will, I just need to figure out how.  I know it will bless someone else and I am very, very sure it will bless me.


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