Life Update 4.26.2021

Happy Monday!  I am still a little sleepy from last week's shopping trip, but all in the best way possible.  We worked hard, we met up with my friends, we ate and sipped, and we soaked up the gorgeous Florida sun and air.  I was truly in heaven.  I had been craving some serious Florida time and was shocked to realize it had been over two years since I was "home".  I say home in quotes because other than our home in Georgia it is the place that feels the most like home to me.  Most of my family is still in Florida and between Orlando and Lakeland, it's home. 

I have a lot to share ... so I hope you poured a coffee, if not, you may wish to get one now. 😉 

The last four or so months have been a rollercoaster for me, lots of emotions and a ton to process.  Covid, chemo, high school, and losing my dad left a recipe for lots of deep thought and emotions ... and I am a girl who tries her best to process and not bottle it up for another time.  That never works for me and I don't want to leave one time and have to deal with the feelings of it at a later date.  So, with that being said I have been quite the "journaler" (I do not believe that is a real word), and quite the feeler these last months with much to share with you. First up, let's start with my dad and then end with all the good news. 

So, as you may recall my father died unexpectedly on November 1.  I got the call the next morning and I think the shock still lingers at times.  With the way our relationship was I am left with a lot of regrets and I do not like to have any.  I could have handled so many things differently, had so many conversations I didn't and would hopefully not be left with so many questions.  My parents divorced when I was very little and they were not amicable so there were a lot of things that I do not completely understand.  I realize as a grown woman it was my responsibility to do things differently, and I should have, and I take that blame for myself. Some time had passed from our last conversation and I was left with complete shock when I learned that opportunity was gone.  Before my father and his wife moved to Texas his home was always in Orlando.  He remarried there, had two amazing children, and all of my memories live on Sunglow Drive. Being in Orlando and Winter Park gives me a feeling that he is near along with my step mother, who passed in 2003, and my grandmother, who passed in 2013.  It is just home. 

Oh Covid, you came with lots of lessons.  I have tried to really cling to all the good that came from last year and let any of the bad go.  We had so much family time I could not have scheduled if I tried and with two teenagers still at home it was an enormous blessing.  My time with our oldest was limited, which I hated, and we only saw my parents once until they were vaccinated in February and March.  I am looking forward to making up that time the rest of this year. That first hug in Birmingham a few weeks ago was something I will never forget. Covid + chemo was a hard one for me to swallow and I spent so much time trying to check my worry.  With all of my husband's lung issues from last year the last thing I could even imagine was a positive test and when it did come on November 21 I was completely panicked and beside myself.  We walked through it just as we have so many other times before ... but it was hard and I do not want anything like that again.  He was having emergency gallbladder surgery and we were shocked when his test came back positive.  He had zero symptoms and only a few residual ones.  To God be the glory for that story, and so many more. 

Since all of the heavier news is out of the way I have some amazing news to share, and one I am still processing a few months later.  After Nathan's gallbladder surgery we discovered he was not able to handle the chemo the way he had before.  With only 40% of his stomach, no gallbladder and no regular direction for his stomach it was a really hard hurdle and he was sick a lot.  The chemo was the final issue we were dealing with and we only had about ten months left when we (our whole team) made the decision to stop taking it in late February.  The protocol was three years of chemo to keep his chance of reoccurrence at its best low. Ending early scared me, but he was truly not able to tolerate it any longer.  The oncologist told us that we would continue to scan and just keep a watchful eye on it and deal with it if, or when, it ever became an issue.  We ended the meeting walking in faith, which I have strived to do since the moment we first met with a doctor who used the word cancer to us. I walked out of that first appt, wrote the word faith on my parking ticket and have clung to it ever since. 

That appointment was 4.26.18 ... exactly three years ago today, and I can share with you that we have had our first scan post chemotherapy which is clear and shows "no evidence of disease" which is the words all of us have been dying to hear. Those letters are so special ... NED ... as it is also his childhood nickname since his full name is Nathan Edward.  I have never been so happy to say or even think such a thing.  Three years ... and we walked the path.  

Holy ... *@#^!  That was a journey. 

I am thankful, hopeful, and just trying to live in the moment.  As the stress peels off, the emotions come and live for a bit, and as our life begins post cancer I am so incredibly blessed to have all my people right where they are.  I am well aware our story could be different and I am so happy it is exactly as it is.  We celebrated this morning with our second vaccine and are now done walking the path of Covid, praise Jesus, and ready for a simpler time for us and for all. 

Thank you for doing life with me, with us, and for your continued prayers.  We are blessed every single day to have each of you. 💗